Beyond the Clouds

Connecting Through Word | November 19, 2015

Hello, my sweet friends! After I posted here on the blog last spring, I never would have imagined that my next post would be over 6 MONTHS later…but here we are! It has been a crazy time filled with joy, shock, fear, stress, tears, laughter and blessings. (Not necessarily in that order or coming one at a time!) Friends, life is just not easy, not fair, and never goes as we plan…no matter how hard we try! But through this crazy life, I’m learning more about what it means to follow Jesus.

In May, a thick cloud cover fell over our lives when my sweet mother-in-law, Gunnie, was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were all shocked and scared. With a diagnosis of cancer comes so much unknown. It felt like the cancer clouds loomed over us, blocking our view, where we were only able to see what was right in front of us, never knowing exactly what was ahead.

As the clouds loomed over, I felt a major transition in mothering as Shane and Kaitlyn moved from elementary to junior high life.

kids first day — Kaitlyn, Tyler and Shane on their first day of school this year…oh, and Maggie too, of course!

I thought Tyler had prepared me for how this would go, but it was still a shock to my system to have all three kids in a phase of life where their activities and pre-teen/teenage needs dictated so much of my calendar. I have tried so hard to protect the family calendar and keep the activities at a manageable level. Even though we limit the kids’ activities, it still adds up when there are five of us in the household. It can be quite stressful at times.

As we juggled our calendar, we prayed Grandma Gunnie through chemotherapy, surgery and radiation treatment. Then, just recently, we praised God the day she was able to ring the bell, marking her last treatment.

All the while, through the clouds, I thought I was doing pretty well. Though life was crazy busy between kids’ stuff, singing/speaking engagements, Steve working, and everything else life was throwing at us, I was handling the stress fine…or so I thought. After nearly six years of learning how to manage my life, say yes or no to the right things, and keep my stress level manageable, there I was again, in the emergency room with a Crohn’s flare-up.

Thankfully it was a short stay, just overnight. But it was the motivation I needed to make another major change in how I eat, in hopes of getting my symptoms under control. It also was a reminder to let loose the little things again. Other than anything outside of a major need, I didn’t have the energy to give. I didn’t feel good and the new dietary plan required major discipline and a lot of time preparing food. I am not a chef by any means so it was a tough change, but the potential to achieve healing motivated me. So I let everything else go, gave it to God and asked Him to help me prioritize His plans for my life again.

On Friday, September 25th God’s plan for where I needed to be became so clear, but the clouds got darker.

Steve and I were on our way to Tyler’s football game in a nearby town. He was chatting on the phone with his mom and her husband, Lyle, when I got a call on my phone. It was my mom saying my dad had a heart attack and was going on life-flight down to Des Moines.

As she explained what had happened, all I could think is “I need to be there”. I grabbed Steve’s arm and told him that Dad had a heart attack.

When I hung up, I said “I have to go.” In that moment, he turned our SUV around.

That action spoke a thousand words, because in 1991 his dad had a heart attack and didn’t survive it.

We talked and decided I would go down to Iowa, but we would wait on the details of what we needed to do when we had more information. In the meantime, I texted some of my friends, told them what was going on and asked them to pray.

When we got home, Steve and the twins passed the time watching Tyler’s football game on the TV and I started to gather what I might need for the trip. I kept praying for clarity, and I didn’t want to forget anything I would really need. I didn’t know what exactly I was packing for, or how long it would be, and each thought trail lead me on an emotional rollercoaster.

My neighbor, Katie, came over in the middle of it all with a tote full snacks for the trip. She sat with me for a while on our front porch. Our chat calmed my nerves and helped to clear my head. She mentioned that I probably wouldn’t be able to eat most of the things she brought over, so we moved into the kitchen to make some snacks I could eat on the trip to Iowa.

That’s when I got another call, this time from my brother. He said Dad had made it through surgery to put in a stint, but it was a massive heart attack. They were just going hour by hour at that point.

“I’m on my way,” was my response.

My daughter, Kaitlyn, and I packed up the piles of clothes, shoes and toiletries I had gathered earlier. As Katie put the food-related things I would need in my SUV, I heard the others hollering from the living room.

Tyler had been hurt in the game and was down on the field. I went to see what was going on, but there was a stats graphic on the screen covering Tyler, and all I could see were the people standing over him.

I was hollering at the TV saying, “Are you kidding me? Show me my son!” I thought, my dad is lying in a hospital fighting for his life, and my son is down on the football field with God knows what is wrong with him. Could this really be happening?

It was happening. But before I could start to really freak out, he got up and limped off the field. In that split second I had to make the most difficult decision I had ever made as a mom, to be with my son in his pain or my dad in his.

Both were good decisions. I even felt called to both, but I couldn’t be in Iowa and Minnesota at the same time. I had to choose. I trusted my friends and family in Minnesota would take care of Tyler and everything else. So, I got in my SUV and drove through the night to be with my dad.

As I was driving, I talked to Tyler and told him I was sorry for leaving.

My heart swelled and tears filled my eyes, as Tyler responded, “It’s just my ankle, Mom, Grampa had a heart attack.”

He’s such a good boy; he said just what his mamma needed to hear.

tyler and us footbal — Proud parents after one of Tyler’s football games.

Earlier that day, my friends and I had met at a coffee shop. Through our discussion, it hit me that what God is calling us to, is not just one big thing that defines our life. It’s that He is calling us, period. Calling us to respond to where he wants us to be, not only in our life’s purpose but in the everyday, situation-by-situation purposes.

My purpose for that time was to be there with my dad and family in Iowa, for whatever that meant. So that’s what I did. I was there to give hugs and hold my dad’s hand.

3 hands — My mom and I by Dad’s bedside.

I was there to sit and talk with my family in the hospital and the dinner table. I was there to be with my mom in the hotel and later in her house. I was there, and that’s where I needed to be.

I started writing a song about that, hopefully in the months to come I can finish it with a happy ending. So far, it seems that it will be.

Dad is now recovering at home with mom taking care of him and doing pretty well. I had stayed down in Iowa for two weeks while Dad was in the critical care unit. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving until he was fully conscious and talking. The day before I left, they moved him to a cardiac floor, where he stayed for nearly two more weeks before releasing him. While Dad was in the CCU, they diagnosed him with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, which turns out that was ultimately the cause of his heart attack.

So, the cancer clouds continue to linger there. Dad still has a long road of recovery and treatment ahead of him, but the clouds don’t seem as dark as when he had the heart attack anymore. The prognosis for this type of leukemia tends to be good.

Now we are learning to live with the cancer clouds, still unsure of what’s ahead. But there have been times when the clouds have parted for a bit in these past six months.

There was light when we finally squeezed in a family camping trip and we could relax while taking in some of the beauty Minnesota has been blessed with.

campfire sunset — Crow Wing Lake in Akeley, MN

big paul fam — Family pic with Paul Bunyan tradition in Akeley, MN.

There was light when we watched Gunnie’s new husband support her unconditionally through her cancer journey and stood proudly by as she rang the bell after her last treatment.

Gunnie ringing bell crop — Gunnie and Lyle Erickson

There was light when my band friends and I recorded our first CD of original music and when I saw pieces of my life’s story in print.

There was light when I watched my kids play on their sports teams and when I got good test results, proving the new dietary plan was working.

Even in the midst of the clouds, I know there will continue to be days to come where I can see the light and the Son shining through. I look forward to those days. But on the days when my eyes can’t see beyond the clouds, I will listen with my heart for where He is calling me to…and follow.

John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.”

November 19, 2015 by Taunya Todd Leave a Commment · 2 Comments

The Busiest Time of the Year

Connecting Through Word | December 17, 2014

“..they bowed down and worshiped him.” Matthew 2:11

They call Christmas the “most wonderful time of year”, though most of us would call it the “busiest time of year”. With everything going on, we are often left drained and wishing someone would save us from all the mess. Save us from the crazy schedules, the long list of things to do and buy, the grumpy shoppers, the icy roads, the irritating family members, and the stress of it all. Thankfully, the one who came to save the world all those years ago is still the one who can save us now.

Thousands of years ago, scriptures mentioned the Messiah would come and save the world. Men and women of God waited and watched for Him to come. In the book of Matthew, we read that wise men from the eastern lands saw a star in the sky, a sign that the Messiah was born.

It not only was a sign, but it was a guide. They followed the star until it stopped in Bethlehem over the place where the Messiah was. Looking for a newborn King, they entered through the door where they saw baby Jesus with his mother, Mary.

What happed next grabs my attention. They didn’t just pop their heads in, see that they found the Messiah, congratulate Mary and Joseph on their new bundle of joy and then go on about their wise men business down the road. No, instead in Matthew 2:11 it says,

“..they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.”

What gets me is that as busy as we would think wise men would be, they stopped and worshiped Jesus, offering Him their time and treasure. They traveled a very long way just to worship the Messiah and give Him gifts. Wow, look at us in stark contrast, thousands of years later.

This time of year we are running around looking more stressed than wise as we take part in the world wide celebration of Jesus’ birthday. We love to go look at all the twinkling and sparkly party decorations in and on everyone’s houses. We are singing along to all of His birthday songs on the radio too. (It just wouldn’t be His birthday without those, right? They are a favorite of mine, too!) The problem is we are so busy with the party and all the people there that we forget about spending any time with the birthday boy Himself.

This Christmas, what if we tried to be a little bit more Wiseman-like? Let’s stop, bow down to worship the birthday boy and give Him the offering of our time. He is so worthy of our worship. After all, He grew to be the man who would give His life as ransom for our lives and pay the price for sin: my sins, your sins, all of our sins on the cross. So that one day, we could live with Him for all of eternity. If only we believe He is the Messiah, the Savior, just as the wise men believed.

One of my favorite songs that tells the story of the wise men and reminds me to stop stressing and start worshiping is “Christmas Offering”. After five minutes of losing myself in the song, I am reminded to refocus and put my eyes on Jesus and His plan for my day.

Often times that means letting my plan go, which translates into crossing some things off of my list. This Saturday, my daughter, Kaitlyn, and I went furniture shopping early in the afternoon, and then I was going to get home and work on few projects I still wanted to do before Christmas. Partway through shopping, I looked at the clock and realized if we didn’t leave town right then, I wouldn’t have time to get everything done.

I felt a gentle tug at my heart reminding me to treasure these moments with her and create memories that make this season “the most wonderful time of the year”. So, instead of rushing my daughter through the stores so I could get back to work on my project, I mentally crossed it off my list, let it go, and lived in the moment with her.

I lingered in the kid’s section of the stores with her. I sat in the goofy funnel shaped chairs next to her, and we laughed at how silly and impractical they were. I watched as she continued to sit on every piece of strange furniture there was. She helped me recall what it was like to be so young and free of schedules and to truly take in all the fun, new discoveries because time was irrelevant.

I thoroughly enjoyed shopping with Kaitlyn that day and I was reminded that children are a gift from God and taking time to nurture my relationship with my daughter is important to Him; even another act of worship to Him. That’s what the Christmas season is really all about, treasuring the gifts God has given and taking time to worship Him for them. I’m grateful for the new treasured memories my daughter and I made together this weekend. I’m thankful for the Savior, who even for a moment, saved me from the busyness of this world.

I pray you will find moments this Christmas season to be like the wise men and stop to worship Jesus as He tugs on your heart too. Enjoy this video of the song “Christmas Offering” from Casting Crowns, and I pray you will be able to lose yourself in the song, refocus and put your eyes on the plan Jesus has for you today.

Taunya

December 17, 2014 by Taunya Todd Leave a Commment · 1 Comment

Treasured Things

Connecting Through Word | December 10, 2014

“Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and often thought about them.” Luke 2:19 NLT

It’s Christmas time, and as I read through Luke 2 again, recalling the birth story of Jesus, my heart is captivated for a moment by something I had never pondered before.

“That night some shepherds were in the fields outside the village, guarding their flocks of sheep. Suddenly an angel appeared among them, and the landscape shone bright with the glory of the Lord. They were badly frightened, but the angel reassured them.

“Don’t be afraid!” he said. “I bring you the most joyful news ever announced, and it is for everyone!The Savior—yes, the Messiah, the Lord—has been born tonight in Bethlehem! How will you recognize him? You will find a baby wrapped in a blanket, lying in a manger!”

Suddenly, the angel was joined by a vast host of others—the armies of heaven—praising God:

“Glory to God in the highest heaven,” they sang, “and peace on earth for all those pleasing him.”

When this great army of angels had returned again to heaven, the shepherds said to each other, “Come on! Let’s go to Bethlehem! Let’s see this wonderful thing that has happened, which the Lord has told us about.”

They ran to the village and found their way to Mary and Joseph. And there was the baby, lying in the manger. The shepherds told everyone what had happened and what the angel had said to them about this child. All who heard the shepherds’ story expressed astonishment,but Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and often thought about them.

Then the shepherds went back again to their fields and flocks, praising God for the visit of the angels, and because they had seen the child, just as the angel had told them.” (Luke 2:8-20 NLT)

My eyes linger at the line, “Mary quietly treasured these things in her heart and often thought about them.”

Sweet memories rush to the front of my mind and my heart swells. As a mom myself, I can just imagine all she was treasuring and thinking about, because I’ve known some of those feelings in my heart as well.

When Mary held her baby close the night the shepherds came, she knew she was holding something special. What a privilege it was to gaze upon the face of Jesus; everyone around her knew it and said so as well. It’s what she treasured in her heart and thought of.

I’ve known the feeling of holding a newborn baby in my arms. I’ve gazed for hours at the face of my little one, as if time meant nothing. Tiny toes and fingers I’ve counted amazed that each precious one was formed within my own body. I’ve been humbled by the honor of being called mother to such a precious life. Then, as the word spread of my own child’s birth, there were people who traveled many miles to see my newborn. I’ve been proud to show them the blessing God had given, and I’ve heard the buzz of voices around me in admiration of such a miracle and words of hope for the future.

I, too, like Mary, have treasured these things in my heart, and I think of them often. It’s been many years since I have given birth to my children, but each moment and each word of admiration thereafter has become a precious treasure, tucked away in my heart.

Moms, unlike Mary, we did not birth the Messiah born to save the world from sin, but that does not mean our children are not special. Like Jesus, each of our children was born to serve a purpose from God. Our job is to be like Mary and humbly seek God for His guidance as we, in turn, guide our children to fulfill their purpose. We will see our children struggle with the imperfection in this world, but there will also be many moments we can treasure in our hearts and think of often.

Taunya

December 10, 2014 by Taunya Todd Leave a Commment · 1 Comment

Perfect Harmony of Color

Connecting Through Fashion | November 14, 2014

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

I’m a bit of a girly girl, I love clothes and shopping for them. My friends are laughing now at the “bit” part. Okay, so I’m really girly. (Please, don’t stop reading if you are not. I promise I will not tell you that all females should wear pink, ruffled dresses.) One of my favorite parts of getting ready to sing or speak is picking out what I am going to wear.

My daughter, Kaitlyn, has watched this process for years. Just recently, she has really started to have an interest in clothes. This makes me so happy! Up until this year, she hated to shop. For this very reason, if I did not have such a vivid memory of her birth, I would not have believed she was my child.

A couple of weeks ago, as I stood in front of the mirror one last time before I left to sing, I could see Kaitlyn out of the corner of my eye checking my outfit. In her hands was my favorite fashion book that she had read this summer. I was secretly doing cartwheels in my head and fighting back tears of joy, as she looked back and forth between my clothes and the book. She was checking every piece to see if it fell within the recommendations. Thankfully, I passed, and we were off to the concert.

A while back, I came across a picture from a concert when Kaitlyn would have been a toddler. (There’s an example of the “mom timeline” if I ever saw one!) The outfit I was wearing most definitely would NOT have passed! It’s not that the outfit was bad really, but it was that I looked so washed out. I have fair skin, so that had been the story of my life until I found the book Kaitlyn was holding.

I ran across the book about 4 years ago, and it reshaped everything I had learned in school about fashion. The book has since been revised and is called Help Me Jesus, I Have Nothing to Wear by Shari Braendel. It opened my eyes to see unique beauty in how God created human bodies that I had never noticed before. Each person is given a combination of hair, eye and skin coloring that works in perfect harmony together. In her book, Shari Braendel defines the 6 dominant color categories: Light, Deep, Soft, Clear, Warm or Cool.

It was amazing to realize that God created these hair/eye/skin combinations to work so well together with each one being beautiful in its own way. I couldn’t believe I had failed to see that for years. Instead of setting my standard of beautiful by God, I had set my standard by the media. When I was growing up, Hollywood and fashion magazines mostly showed blond hair and tan skin, of which I have neither.

I compared myself to the model in the magazines, and in turn, I never really liked my dark hair and light skin. I felt I wasn’t pretty, since I didn’t have “the look” the media was selling. For years, I tried to get what they called a beautiful, “sun-kissed glow”, but mostly, I came away with a sunburn! I used peroxide-based products to lighten my hair in college. And later, when my gray hair was out of control, I got blonde highlights to cover it.

After reading Shari Braendel’s book, I learned that I had been working against what God had given me. In trying to change what I didn’t like, I messed with what worked. Not only did I mess up how my hair/eye/skin colors worked together, but I wasn’t always choosing the right colors to wear either. Each color category has suggested colors to wear that are complementary to that category’s features. This is where I went so wrong in that old concert photo. The color of the jacket was all wrong for me. Instead of making my skin look radiant, it drained my color and made me look washed out. Not only that, but when I look at the picture, all I see at first is the jacket. It was a cool jacket, but that’s not what I want people to notice first.

The idea behind wearing the right colors is to draw attention to the face first, especially the eyes, not the clothes. When I discovered my coloring (I’m a Clear), I decided to try all of the recommendations as an experiment of my own to see if anyone noticed. Oh my, I could not believe the compliments I got as a result! (Turns out God really did know what He was doing when He gave me my “high-contrast” coloring!)

I started with asking Elise, my hairstylist, to color my hair back to my natural color, and I adjusted my eye make-up too. From there, I went through my closet and took out the things that weren’t a good color for me and gave them to my friends who could wear them well. It’s funny, as I made the pile to give away, I noticed a lot of them fell into the Soft and Warm categories. (Shari Braendel has color swatches with recommended colors for each category.) Some things were hard to part with, but in the end, they looked so much better on my friends!

It’s been so fun to see how Kaitlyn uses these tools when she picks her outfits now too. She is doing such a good job flattering her God-given beauty. I wish I would have known that at her age. It would have saved me a lot of struggle in loving myself back then. I spent way too long comparing myself to the beauty of others, instead of seeing the beauty that God had given me.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made: your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm 139:14

As the years go by, I grow more and more comfortable in my own skin. Now, I see how wonderful His works are, not only in others, but in me too. It’s amazing how something as small as discovering my personal coloring could give me a new perspective and insight into how wonderful God is. I’m thrilled that my daughter is discovering that at her young age.

The media of our world today is even more brutal in scrutinizing the female body, always selling the next “in” thing and often suggesting much more dangerous and permanent fixes than peroxide. It’s sad and makes me mad, because what they are really selling is insecurity. I know, because I bought into it for way too long. That’s why I am passionate about helping women and girls open their eyes to see the beauty in what God gave them. His works are “wonderful” and every woman and girl should know that “full well”!

God made you beautiful, Girlfriend! Don’t let the world tell you otherwise. Seek Him, His standard of beautiful and the unique beauty He has given you. (Discover Your Coloring)

There is so much more to dressing to flatter all the beauty God has given, so look for that in future Fashion blog posts. For now, if you would like to know more, see my Fashion page or leave a comment. You can also check out my Pinterest account to see examples of how to dress for your coloring and body style.

Taunya

November 14, 2014 by Taunya Todd Leave a Commment · No Comments