Connecting Through Word | November 5, 2014

“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10

Forgive me for not posting last week. I ended up with the stomach flu. I don’t like when I can’t do what’s on my list.  I had to back out of things I had been looking forward to for a long time: time with dear friends, pictures of my kids in their costumes, preparations for upcoming events, and the first Fashion post (coming soon).

As I lay in my bed too weak to do anything else, I thought back to a time when I was in a similar situation. It was five years ago, nearly to the very day, in 2009.  Only, I wasn’t at home. I was in a hospital bed surrounded by strange machines and monitors.  Tiny plastic tubes connected me to each piece of equipment, confined me to my bed, and reminded me that nothing on my to-do list was going to get done anytime soon.

My to-do list at that time was very long. My calendar was full, with never enough time in the days, and I was stressed.  It had become my nature to be a people pleaser and say yes to nearly everything that seemed like a good idea or coming up with ideas of my own.   Needless to say, I didn’t have time to be in the hospital.

But there I was with all the tubes. My least favorite of all, the NG tube (Nasogastric Intubation), rubbed and burned my nose and throat and made it hard to talk. I was hardly recognizable with most of my face covered in tape to keep the tube in place.  The other tubes were for monitoring my stats and administering fluids with pain medication.

Tests had found the source of the pain in my abdomen, but there was no diagnosis as to why yet.  My mind was reeling with all the possible diagnoses including cancer and Crohn’s disease.  I was also worried as to how I was going to fulfill all of my obligations when I was in the hospital.  Most of the things I had going on didn’t have a back-up leader.   I was hoping the doctors would find a diagnosis quickly, give me the medication to get rid of it, and get me out the door because I had stuff to do!

“Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

“What? Be still?  I have things to do, there’s no time to be still!” I thought.

This is how the silent conversation with God went in my head. Silly me, thinking I could argue with God.  He had been trying to get me to be still for quite some time, and I had ignored Him.  I thought since what I was doing was all good and mostly for His service that it would be okay. When I found some time in my schedule, I would “be still” then.  But, He knew where all my busyness was leading me, and He tried to warn me.   I was too busy to notice, and the noise of my crazy life drowned out His voice.

Now I was lying in a hospital bed with no choice but to be still. I could only give credit to God for the private room I received, but never asked for. It was just what a busy mama of three little ones needed.  For days, I lay in that bed with the door shut to the world outside in stillness and relative quiet.  I prayed, I thought, and I listened to the local Christian radio station.  The hospital staff would comment on how peaceful it was in my room.  It was peaceful, and I was very grateful for it.

After a few days, I got a visit from the senior pastor at my church. He sat casually in one of the plastic chairs at the foot of my bed, wearing a baseball cap.   We chatted for a while, and then, he asked me if I had heard what God was trying to tell me through all of this.

I paused for a second, and said, “I don’t know…but I’m waiting.”

I remember feeling confident that God was trying to speak through my circumstances. I had not gotten the message yet, but I knew it was coming.  I hadn’t been obedient in being still to hear Him when busyness was leading to my drastic decline in health.  But now, I was ready to honor Him and wait.

 “Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” Psalm 46:10-11

While I was in the hospital, I realized how weak and powerless I was to change anything that was happening. All I could do and needed to do was to be still and know He is God.  He was fighting the battles I could not fight, including the most obvious at the time, the battle for my health.

This past week, as I lay in my own bed weakened by the flu, I thought of all I was missing out on and needing to accomplish on my to-do list.

I once again heard, “Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

Instead of stressing out, I surrendered my to-do list and calendar to the Lord and prayed for God to fight the battles I could not see. I sensed His peace through my circumstances and slept for two days.   I’m obviously a work in progress when it comes to busyness, but I’m learning to know His voice when He’s asking me to be still.  Now I respond in obedience much quicker these days.  I don’t always know why He is leading me to be still, but I know He’s in control and in that I find peace.

Taunya