Alida Free Lutheran Church at 9:00 am
I will be sharing my songs and testimony during the service
Directions: 10 miles south of Shelvin, MN, just west of County Rd 2 on County Rd 36, then north from the Alida Country Store
(Near Itasca State Park)
Evening Event
Sing/Speak at Perham United Methodist Church
Perham, MN
Happy Ever After is a Choice
Connecting Through Word | February 12, 2015
My husband, Steve, and I met in the winter of 1996 after he came dancing by the stage where I was singing. He was so cute in his black hat and Wrangler jeans.
It was love at first sight for both of us, and three months later, we were engaged. Then, on June 4, 1997, we were married. I was excited to live out the rest of our fairytale romance.
After love at first sight comes happily ever after, right? That’s what everyone was telling us anyway. At our wedding we were told how “awesome”, “wonderful”, and “amazing” marriage is. For us, it seemed to be all of that for about a week or so. Then we came back from our honeymoon.
Reality was that we were two young, strong-willed people with jobs and a mortgage. As much as we had in common, we quickly learned how completely different we were too. Not only that, but our opposite work schedules and the responsibilities of owning a tiny old house stressed our marriage.
That first year of marriage was a real eye-opener for the both of us. We had gone into it expecting marriage to be “awesome”, “wonderful” and “amazing” just as everyone had told us. Sure, we had moments with all of that, but mostly it was really tough. Things that we loved about each other also harbored deep annoyances too.
I liked that he is tidy, but I didn’t like that he complained when I wasn’t. He liked it when I got gussied up but didn’t like when I spent money on clothes. I liked that he’s good with money, but I didn’t like it when he told me not to spend any. He liked my long hair, but he hated when it landed on the bathroom floor and stuck to his feet.
The years to follow only seemed to get tougher for us when we added children to the mix. By 2003, I was a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and twin babies. Steve and I had established that my job was to take care of the kids and everything inside the house. Steve’s job was to make money and take care of everything outside of the house.
I loved being a mom, but now that I wasn’t working it brought on different stresses in our marriage. One evening we found ourselves arguing over many different things: money, kids, and annoyances in each other, just to name a few. Our lack of sleep since the kids were born only escalated the situation. The love that we had found at first sight was buried so deep under frustration that we could hardly see it anymore. Years of miscommunication came to a head, and we realized we were just two people raising kids in the same house.
We had found ourselves retreating out of our situation whenever we could. Steve retreated to work and the comradery of his coworkers or outside to busy himself on our land. I retreated to church for friendships or anywhere I could sing and receive affirmation for performing.
I wondered when the happily ever after part of marriage was going to start. I could see “ever after” in our future, but with the way we were feeling the “happily” part didn’t look promising. As unhappy as we were with each other, we had made a commitment before God that we would stay married.
My parents had always told me that divorce was not an option they would ever choose. I had told myself it wasn’t going to be an option for me either. Steve’s parents had modeled the same example to him too.
I prayed that God would help our marriage somehow. By that I mean, I prayed that God would change my husband to be what I wanted him to be, to say what I wanted him to say, and do what I wanted him to do. If only Steve would change, then I would be happy.
Over the years, in many ways, God answered my prayer to help our marriage. Though rarely was it by changing Steve, most often it was by teaching me to change.
Some of the most impactful lessons I learned to help our marriage were:
- The 5 Love Languages (A book by Gary Chapman) I learned that the #1 miscommunication in our marriage was how we expressed our love to each other.
- To accept and respect my husband’s leadership (Ephesians 5:22) I needed to control my strong-will and allow my husband to lead our family.
- To choose my words wisely to keep peace (Ephesians 4:2-3) I value the peace in our marriage these days, I choose my words carefully to avoid lengthy conflict.
- Good is Good (A lesson from Beth Moore) Don’t be disappointed when marriage isn’t perfect, good is good.
Through it all, I have learned that “happily ever after” is a choice. Every day, even moment to moment, the words and actions I express to my husband reflect if I have chosen “happily” ever after or not. Sometimes I chose wisely, and other times, well, not so much. I’m still a work in progress, but I understand that my happiness is not based solely on my husband, but on me as well.
I’m grateful to say that our marriage has grown stronger and stronger over the past few years. It’s taken a lot of work from both Steve and me, but like I tell my kids, “Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.”
So my dear friends, I’m telling you what I wish someone would have told me all those years ago, on my wedding day, “Marriage is an awesome, wonderful, and amazing thing, but happily ever after is a choice.”
Taunya
I have things to do, there’s no time to be still!
Connecting Through Word | November 5, 2014
“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10
Forgive me for not posting last week. I ended up with the stomach flu. I don’t like when I can’t do what’s on my list. I had to back out of things I had been looking forward to for a long time: time with dear friends, pictures of my kids in their costumes, preparations for upcoming events, and the first Fashion post (coming soon).
As I lay in my bed too weak to do anything else, I thought back to a time when I was in a similar situation. It was five years ago, nearly to the very day, in 2009. Only, I wasn’t at home. I was in a hospital bed surrounded by strange machines and monitors. Tiny plastic tubes connected me to each piece of equipment, confined me to my bed, and reminded me that nothing on my to-do list was going to get done anytime soon.
My to-do list at that time was very long. My calendar was full, with never enough time in the days, and I was stressed. It had become my nature to be a people pleaser and say yes to nearly everything that seemed like a good idea or coming up with ideas of my own. Needless to say, I didn’t have time to be in the hospital.
But there I was with all the tubes. My least favorite of all, the NG tube (Nasogastric Intubation), rubbed and burned my nose and throat and made it hard to talk. I was hardly recognizable with most of my face covered in tape to keep the tube in place. The other tubes were for monitoring my stats and administering fluids with pain medication.
Tests had found the source of the pain in my abdomen, but there was no diagnosis as to why yet. My mind was reeling with all the possible diagnoses including cancer and Crohn’s disease. I was also worried as to how I was going to fulfill all of my obligations when I was in the hospital. Most of the things I had going on didn’t have a back-up leader. I was hoping the doctors would find a diagnosis quickly, give me the medication to get rid of it, and get me out the door because I had stuff to do!
“Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)
“What? Be still? I have things to do, there’s no time to be still!” I thought.
This is how the silent conversation with God went in my head. Silly me, thinking I could argue with God. He had been trying to get me to be still for quite some time, and I had ignored Him. I thought since what I was doing was all good and mostly for His service that it would be okay. When I found some time in my schedule, I would “be still” then. But, He knew where all my busyness was leading me, and He tried to warn me. I was too busy to notice, and the noise of my crazy life drowned out His voice.
Now I was lying in a hospital bed with no choice but to be still. I could only give credit to God for the private room I received, but never asked for. It was just what a busy mama of three little ones needed. For days, I lay in that bed with the door shut to the world outside in stillness and relative quiet. I prayed, I thought, and I listened to the local Christian radio station. The hospital staff would comment on how peaceful it was in my room. It was peaceful, and I was very grateful for it.
After a few days, I got a visit from the senior pastor at my church. He sat casually in one of the plastic chairs at the foot of my bed, wearing a baseball cap. We chatted for a while, and then, he asked me if I had heard what God was trying to tell me through all of this.
I paused for a second, and said, “I don’t know…but I’m waiting.”
I remember feeling confident that God was trying to speak through my circumstances. I had not gotten the message yet, but I knew it was coming. I hadn’t been obedient in being still to hear Him when busyness was leading to my drastic decline in health. But now, I was ready to honor Him and wait.
“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” Psalm 46:10-11
While I was in the hospital, I realized how weak and powerless I was to change anything that was happening. All I could do and needed to do was to be still and know He is God. He was fighting the battles I could not fight, including the most obvious at the time, the battle for my health.
This past week, as I lay in my own bed weakened by the flu, I thought of all I was missing out on and needing to accomplish on my to-do list.
I once again heard, “Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)
Instead of stressing out, I surrendered my to-do list and calendar to the Lord and prayed for God to fight the battles I could not see. I sensed His peace through my circumstances and slept for two days. I’m obviously a work in progress when it comes to busyness, but I’m learning to know His voice when He’s asking me to be still. Now I respond in obedience much quicker these days. I don’t always know why He is leading me to be still, but I know He’s in control and in that I find peace.