Connecting Through Word | November 5, 2014

“Be still, and know that I am God!” Psalm 46:10

Forgive me for not posting last week. I ended up with the stomach flu. I don’t like when I can’t do what’s on my list. I had to back out of things I had been looking forward to for a long time: time with dear friends, pictures of my kids in their costumes, preparations for upcoming events, and the first Fashion post (coming soon).

As I lay in my bed too weak to do anything else, I thought back to a time when I was in a similar situation. It was five years ago, nearly to the very day, in 2009. Only, I wasn’t at home. I was in a hospital bed surrounded by strange machines and monitors. Tiny plastic tubes connected me to each piece of equipment, confined me to my bed, and reminded me that nothing on my to-do list was going to get done anytime soon.

My to-do list at that time was very long. My calendar was full, with never enough time in the days, and I was stressed. It had become my nature to be a people pleaser and say yes to nearly everything that seemed like a good idea or coming up with ideas of my own. Needless to say, I didn’t have time to be in the hospital.

But there I was with all the tubes. My least favorite of all, the NG tube (Nasogastric Intubation), rubbed and burned my nose and throat and made it hard to talk. I was hardly recognizable with most of my face covered in tape to keep the tube in place. The other tubes were for monitoring my stats and administering fluids with pain medication.

Tests had found the source of the pain in my abdomen, but there was no diagnosis as to why yet. My mind was reeling with all the possible diagnoses including cancer and Crohn’s disease. I was also worried as to how I was going to fulfill all of my obligations when I was in the hospital. Most of the things I had going on didn’t have a back-up leader. I was hoping the doctors would find a diagnosis quickly, give me the medication to get rid of it, and get me out the door because I had stuff to do!

“Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

“What? Be still? I have things to do, there’s no time to be still!” I thought.

This is how the silent conversation with God went in my head. Silly me, thinking I could argue with God. He had been trying to get me to be still for quite some time, and I had ignored Him. I thought since what I was doing was all good and mostly for His service that it would be okay. When I found some time in my schedule, I would “be still” then. But, He knew where all my busyness was leading me, and He tried to warn me. I was too busy to notice, and the noise of my crazy life drowned out His voice.

Now I was lying in a hospital bed with no choice but to be still. I could only give credit to God for the private room I received, but never asked for. It was just what a busy mama of three little ones needed. For days, I lay in that bed with the door shut to the world outside in stillness and relative quiet. I prayed, I thought, and I listened to the local Christian radio station. The hospital staff would comment on how peaceful it was in my room. It was peaceful, and I was very grateful for it.

After a few days, I got a visit from the senior pastor at my church. He sat casually in one of the plastic chairs at the foot of my bed, wearing a baseball cap. We chatted for a while, and then, he asked me if I had heard what God was trying to tell me through all of this.

I paused for a second, and said, “I don’t know…but I’m waiting.”

I remember feeling confident that God was trying to speak through my circumstances. I had not gotten the message yet, but I knew it was coming. I hadn’t been obedient in being still to hear Him when busyness was leading to my drastic decline in health. But now, I was ready to honor Him and wait.

“Be still, and know that I am God! I will be honored by every nation. I will be honored throughout the world. The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.” Psalm 46:10-11

While I was in the hospital, I realized how weak and powerless I was to change anything that was happening. All I could do and needed to do was to be still and know He is God. He was fighting the battles I could not fight, including the most obvious at the time, the battle for my health.

This past week, as I lay in my own bed weakened by the flu, I thought of all I was missing out on and needing to accomplish on my to-do list.

I once again heard, “Be still, and know that I am God!” (Psalm 46:10)

Instead of stressing out, I surrendered my to-do list and calendar to the Lord and prayed for God to fight the battles I could not see. I sensed His peace through my circumstances and slept for two days. I’m obviously a work in progress when it comes to busyness, but I’m learning to know His voice when He’s asking me to be still. Now I respond in obedience much quicker these days. I don’t always know why He is leading me to be still, but I know He’s in control and in that I find peace.

Taunya

Connecting Through Word | October 15, 2014

Jeremiah 29:11-12 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

I turned forty this year. Even as I typed that, I thought, “That’s old.” I’d been dreading turning forty for that very reason. They make awful black decorations and cards saying 40 is “over the hill”. I don’t feel “over the hill,” but when I look in the mirror, I do see signs that I’m aging. (Thankfully, it’s nothing hairstylist Elise and a bag of Mary Kay can’t fix.)

When you’re young, getting older means more privileges like driving or legally becoming an adult. I even loved thirty; there was something freeing about it. I no longer struggled with where I fit in. I was content with where I was and who God was making me into. But by the time I started approaching forty, my attitude about my age changed.

In the music business, youth is what sells. Even though I had long ago stopped chasing the dream of being a famous country singer, I still felt some sort of comfort knowing it was my choice. Being too “old” felt like it crushed the dream. Even if I chose not to chase the dream, I still wanted to know it was an option.

When the day of my 40th birthday finally came around, I was kind of dreading it. My husband was scheduled to leave that afternoon for training, so my ideas of the perfect 40^th birthday had disappeared. It wasn’t that I expected a huge party, but I wanted something to set the day apart from all the others. We were able to squeeze in a yummy steak dinner, but it seemed the rest of my 40^th would be like any other day.

Family on 40th pic — My wonderful mother-in-law took this pic outside of the steakhouse. (It was a bit sunny out!)

Since my birthday fell on a Wednesday, that meant worship band practice that evening. My band friends gave me goofy birthday cards, and thankfully, none of them were about being “over the hill”. (I think I would have cried!) Towards the end of practice, it was getting late, and my birthday was coming to an end. As I sang one of my favorite worship songs, I closed my eyes, let go of the disappointment of being forty, and just worshipped…lost in the moment.

Then there was a commotion on the far side of the sanctuary. I opened my eyes to see several of my small group friends parading through the room and singing in celebration of my birthday. Overwhelmed by the precious gift of friendship, I lost it. Through the tears, I smiled, and I hugged each sweet friend. Then they ushered me into the Sunday school room where they had set up a make-shift party room with all kinds of festive girly birthday things in numbers of forty. (And none of them were “over the hill” themed: they know I would have cried!) It was so great to end the night by laughing with my friends and celebrating life.

40th Bday Party friends — My sweet small group friends. (I’m a little puffy from all the happy tears.)

My 40^th birthday wasn’t at all the way I thought a perfect birthday would be, but it was still good. I had enjoyed a wonderful meal with my family. (That someone else cooked and cleaned up!) I got to do some of my favorite things: sing with the band, worship my Savior, and spend time with my friends. As I drove home that evening, thinking of all the sweet blessings that day had brought, I sensed that forty wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Life doesn’t always turn out the way I had planned. Instead of looking back and being disappointed, I want to look back and see all the sweet, unplanned moments and be grateful. God knew what He was doing on my birthday, and I’m so glad He opened my eyes to see all the wonderful gifts in front of me. Jeremiah 29:11-12 says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Now I look forward to the future and seeing what my forties have to hold. With age comes experience, and by living through forty years, I’ve had many experiences. Each one, good and bad, have shaped me into who I am today. They are the stories I share when I speak about the grace of God and the desperate need for a Savior. They are what I write songs about and sing to a crowd of people. They are why I lead, mentor and encourage women. They are the heart of why I have chosen to follow Jesus out of my comfort zone and the safety of church walls, onto the World Wide Web and into the great unknown. I don’t’ know what my future holds. I am still dreaming, but they are different and God-sized now, filled with His hope.

Oh, and I no longer dislike forty because I’m only as old as I feel, right?