Connecting through music, word and fashion.
Connecting Through Music | December 24, 2015
… And the star they had seen in the east guided them to Bethlehem. It went ahead of them and stopped over the place where the child was. When they saw the star, they were filled with joy! They entered the house and saw the child with his mother, Mary, and they bowed down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasure chests and gave him gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Matthew 2:9-11
Connecting Through Word | November 19, 2015
Hello, my sweet friends! After I posted here on the blog last spring, I never would have imagined that my next post would be over 6 MONTHS later…but here we are! It has been a crazy time filled with joy, shock, fear, stress, tears, laughter and blessings. (Not necessarily in that order or coming one at a time!) Friends, life is just not easy, not fair, and never goes as we plan…no matter how hard we try! But through this crazy life, I’m learning more about what it means to follow Jesus.
In May, a thick cloud cover fell over our lives when my sweet mother-in-law, Gunnie, was diagnosed with breast cancer. We were all shocked and scared. With a diagnosis of cancer comes so much unknown. It felt like the cancer clouds loomed over us, blocking our view, where we were only able to see what was right in front of us, never knowing exactly what was ahead.
As the clouds loomed over, I felt a major transition in mothering as Shane and Kaitlyn moved from elementary to junior high life.
I thought Tyler had prepared me for how this would go, but it was still a shock to my system to have all three kids in a phase of life where their activities and pre-teen/teenage needs dictated so much of my calendar. I have tried so hard to protect the family calendar and keep the activities at a manageable level. Even though we limit the kids’ activities, it still adds up when there are five of us in the household. It can be quite stressful at times.
As we juggled our calendar, we prayed Grandma Gunnie through chemotherapy, surgery and radiation treatment. Then, just recently, we praised God the day she was able to ring the bell, marking her last treatment.
All the while, through the clouds, I thought I was doing pretty well. Though life was crazy busy between kids’ stuff, singing/speaking engagements, Steve working, and everything else life was throwing at us, I was handling the stress fine…or so I thought. After nearly six years of learning how to manage my life, say yes or no to the right things, and keep my stress level manageable, there I was again, in the emergency room with a Crohn’s flare-up.
Thankfully it was a short stay, just overnight. But it was the motivation I needed to make another major change in how I eat, in hopes of getting my symptoms under control. It also was a reminder to let loose the little things again. Other than anything outside of a major need, I didn’t have the energy to give. I didn’t feel good and the new dietary plan required major discipline and a lot of time preparing food. I am not a chef by any means so it was a tough change, but the potential to achieve healing motivated me. So I let everything else go, gave it to God and asked Him to help me prioritize His plans for my life again.
On Friday, September 25th God’s plan for where I needed to be became so clear, but the clouds got darker.
Steve and I were on our way to Tyler’s football game in a nearby town. He was chatting on the phone with his mom and her husband, Lyle, when I got a call on my phone. It was my mom saying my dad had a heart attack and was going on life-flight down to Des Moines.
As she explained what had happened, all I could think is “I need to be there”. I grabbed Steve’s arm and told him that Dad had a heart attack.
When I hung up, I said “I have to go.” In that moment, he turned our SUV around.
That action spoke a thousand words, because in 1991 his dad had a heart attack and didn’t survive it.
We talked and decided I would go down to Iowa, but we would wait on the details of what we needed to do when we had more information. In the meantime, I texted some of my friends, told them what was going on and asked them to pray.
When we got home, Steve and the twins passed the time watching Tyler’s football game on the TV and I started to gather what I might need for the trip. I kept praying for clarity, and I didn’t want to forget anything I would really need. I didn’t know what exactly I was packing for, or how long it would be, and each thought trail lead me on an emotional rollercoaster.
My neighbor, Katie, came over in the middle of it all with a tote full snacks for the trip. She sat with me for a while on our front porch. Our chat calmed my nerves and helped to clear my head. She mentioned that I probably wouldn’t be able to eat most of the things she brought over, so we moved into the kitchen to make some snacks I could eat on the trip to Iowa.
That’s when I got another call, this time from my brother. He said Dad had made it through surgery to put in a stint, but it was a massive heart attack. They were just going hour by hour at that point.
“I’m on my way,” was my response.
My daughter, Kaitlyn, and I packed up the piles of clothes, shoes and toiletries I had gathered earlier. As Katie put the food-related things I would need in my SUV, I heard the others hollering from the living room.
Tyler had been hurt in the game and was down on the field. I went to see what was going on, but there was a stats graphic on the screen covering Tyler, and all I could see were the people standing over him.
I was hollering at the TV saying, “Are you kidding me? Show me my son!” I thought, my dad is lying in a hospital fighting for his life, and my son is down on the football field with God knows what is wrong with him. Could this really be happening?
It was happening. But before I could start to really freak out, he got up and limped off the field. In that split second I had to make the most difficult decision I had ever made as a mom, to be with my son in his pain or my dad in his.
Both were good decisions. I even felt called to both, but I couldn’t be in Iowa and Minnesota at the same time. I had to choose. I trusted my friends and family in Minnesota would take care of Tyler and everything else. So, I got in my SUV and drove through the night to be with my dad.
As I was driving, I talked to Tyler and told him I was sorry for leaving.
My heart swelled and tears filled my eyes, as Tyler responded, “It’s just my ankle, Mom, Grampa had a heart attack.”
He’s such a good boy; he said just what his mamma needed to hear.
Earlier that day, my friends and I had met at a coffee shop. Through our discussion, it hit me that what God is calling us to, is not just one big thing that defines our life. It’s that He is calling us, period. Calling us to respond to where he wants us to be, not only in our life’s purpose but in the everyday, situation-by-situation purposes.
My purpose for that time was to be there with my dad and family in Iowa, for whatever that meant. So that’s what I did. I was there to give hugs and hold my dad’s hand.
I was there to sit and talk with my family in the hospital and the dinner table. I was there to be with my mom in the hotel and later in her house. I was there, and that’s where I needed to be.
I started writing a song about that, hopefully in the months to come I can finish it with a happy ending. So far, it seems that it will be.
Dad is now recovering at home with mom taking care of him and doing pretty well. I had stayed down in Iowa for two weeks while Dad was in the critical care unit. I didn’t feel comfortable leaving until he was fully conscious and talking. The day before I left, they moved him to a cardiac floor, where he stayed for nearly two more weeks before releasing him. While Dad was in the CCU, they diagnosed him with Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, which turns out that was ultimately the cause of his heart attack.
So, the cancer clouds continue to linger there. Dad still has a long road of recovery and treatment ahead of him, but the clouds don’t seem as dark as when he had the heart attack anymore. The prognosis for this type of leukemia tends to be good.
Now we are learning to live with the cancer clouds, still unsure of what’s ahead. But there have been times when the clouds have parted for a bit in these past six months.
There was light when we finally squeezed in a family camping trip and we could relax while taking in some of the beauty Minnesota has been blessed with.
There was light when we watched Gunnie’s new husband support her unconditionally through her cancer journey and stood proudly by as she rang the bell after her last treatment.
There was light when my band friends and I recorded our first CD of original music and when I saw pieces of my life’s story in print.
There was light when I watched my kids play on their sports teams and when I got good test results, proving the new dietary plan was working.
Even in the midst of the clouds, I know there will continue to be days to come where I can see the light and the Son shining through. I look forward to those days. But on the days when my eyes can’t see beyond the clouds, I will listen with my heart for where He is calling me to…and follow.
John 10:27 “My sheep listen to my voice; I know them and they follow me.”
It’s finally spring time here in Minnesota. The grass is beginning to green up and the trees are starting to bud out. It’s still possible that we can get some snow, but it won’t stick, so I’m gearing up for spring!
I love spring. It’s my favorite season of all! To me, spring represents the hope of what’s to come. The dying and dead of the fall & winter seasons are over, and with spring, comes new life and growth.
“ The flowers appear on the earth; The time of singing is come…” Song of Solomon 2:12
Ahh, Spring, you bring so many things that make me happy: warmer weather, flowers, singing, cute clothes… I love you, Spring.
One of the best parts of spring is the warmer weather. Finally, we can shed all the bulky, cold weather gear, especially socks. I really dislike socks.
As you sport a pair of sock-free footwear to go with your spring wardrobe, you may notice some of those “super-cute-on-the-hanger” items look a little frumpy. It’s not you, it’s the hemline. It’s stopping at an awkward spot on your legs.
So, here’s a secret that can rid your life of looking “frumpy” forever: diamonds! Not those precious ones your honey bought you, but the three you wear with your birthday suit. 
Let me explain how to find them.
Stand in front of a full-length mirror with your heels together and your toes pointing at ten and two. (You’ll look a bit like a duck, so go ahead and giggle at yourself while you’re at it!) You will notice there are three openings, or “diamonds”, where light shines through: one above your knees, one below your knees, and one below your calves. The centers of these “diamonds” are the perfect spots for your spring/summer hemlines to stop.
Now you can wear your shorts, capris, dresses and skirts in frump-free confidence! 
Happy Spring!!
* This fashion secret was inspired by Shari Braendel http://www.sharibraendel.com/ and her book Help Me Jesus, I Have Nothing to Wear!
Connecting Through Word | February 12, 2015
My husband, Steve, and I met in the winter of 1996 after he came dancing by the stage where I was singing. He was so cute in his black hat and Wrangler jeans.
It was love at first sight for both of us, and three months later, we were engaged. Then, on June 4, 1997, we were married. I was excited to live out the rest of our fairytale romance.
After love at first sight comes happily ever after, right? That’s what everyone was telling us anyway. At our wedding we were told how “awesome”, “wonderful”, and “amazing” marriage is. For us, it seemed to be all of that for about a week or so. Then we came back from our honeymoon.
Reality was that we were two young, strong-willed people with jobs and a mortgage. As much as we had in common, we quickly learned how completely different we were too. Not only that, but our opposite work schedules and the responsibilities of owning a tiny old house stressed our marriage.
That first year of marriage was a real eye-opener for the both of us. We had gone into it expecting marriage to be “awesome”, “wonderful” and “amazing” just as everyone had told us. Sure, we had moments with all of that, but mostly it was really tough. Things that we loved about each other also harbored deep annoyances too.
I liked that he is tidy, but I didn’t like that he complained when I wasn’t. He liked it when I got gussied up but didn’t like when I spent money on clothes. I liked that he’s good with money, but I didn’t like it when he told me not to spend any. He liked my long hair, but he hated when it landed on the bathroom floor and stuck to his feet.
The years to follow only seemed to get tougher for us when we added children to the mix. By 2003, I was a stay-at-home mom with a toddler and twin babies. Steve and I had established that my job was to take care of the kids and everything inside the house. Steve’s job was to make money and take care of everything outside of the house.
I loved being a mom, but now that I wasn’t working it brought on different stresses in our marriage. One evening we found ourselves arguing over many different things: money, kids, and annoyances in each other, just to name a few. Our lack of sleep since the kids were born only escalated the situation. The love that we had found at first sight was buried so deep under frustration that we could hardly see it anymore. Years of miscommunication came to a head, and we realized we were just two people raising kids in the same house.
We had found ourselves retreating out of our situation whenever we could. Steve retreated to work and the comradery of his coworkers or outside to busy himself on our land. I retreated to church for friendships or anywhere I could sing and receive affirmation for performing.
I wondered when the happily ever after part of marriage was going to start. I could see “ever after” in our future, but with the way we were feeling the “happily” part didn’t look promising. As unhappy as we were with each other, we had made a commitment before God that we would stay married.
My parents had always told me that divorce was not an option they would ever choose. I had told myself it wasn’t going to be an option for me either. Steve’s parents had modeled the same example to him too.
I prayed that God would help our marriage somehow. By that I mean, I prayed that God would change my husband to be what I wanted him to be, to say what I wanted him to say, and do what I wanted him to do. If only Steve would change, then I would be happy.
Over the years, in many ways, God answered my prayer to help our marriage. Though rarely was it by changing Steve, most often it was by teaching me to change.
Some of the most impactful lessons I learned to help our marriage were:
Through it all, I have learned that “happily ever after” is a choice. Every day, even moment to moment, the words and actions I express to my husband reflect if I have chosen “happily” ever after or not. Sometimes I chose wisely, and other times, well, not so much. I’m still a work in progress, but I understand that my happiness is not based solely on my husband, but on me as well.
I’m grateful to say that our marriage has grown stronger and stronger over the past few years. It’s taken a lot of work from both Steve and me, but like I tell my kids, “Sometimes lessons are learned the hard way.”
So my dear friends, I’m telling you what I wish someone would have told me all those years ago, on my wedding day, “Marriage is an awesome, wonderful, and amazing thing, but happily ever after is a choice.”