Rice Free Lutheran Church at 10 am
I will be singing and sharing my testimony during the service.
Directions: 15 miles south of Bagley, Mn in Zerkel, just east of State Hwy 92/200 on Cnty 37
(Close to Itasca State Park)
Worship Service
Alida Free Lutheran Church at 9:00 am
I will be sharing my songs and testimony during the service
Directions: 10 miles south of Shelvin, MN, just west of County Rd 2 on County Rd 36, then north from the Alida Country Store
(Near Itasca State Park)
Song Backstory: Pickin’ Up the Pieces
Connecting Through Music | October 20, 2014
“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.” Psalm 147:3 NASB
Pickin’ Up The Pieces was a song I started writing several years ago when my kids were very little. (That’s such a mom thing to say. I’m sure if I really think about it, I could remember the exact year, but to do that, I would still have to base it on how old my kids were at the time!) The words first started to come on my way home from a visit to Iowa, where I grew up. I carry a small recording device with me for moments of inspiration, and as the kids slept in the back of the mini-van, I began to sing the lines as they came, little by little.
I was driving on I-94 just west of the Twin Cities, and it was starting to rain, which seemed fitting for how I was feeling. The trip had been emotionally draining from a difficult conversation with a friend. My heart was aching, and I was trying to process all that had been said. The sky was filled with gray clouds, and as the rain poured down, so did the tears from my eyes.
The words continued on from the heart of a stay-at-home-mom struggling with chronic pain and depression. It was a very gray time in my life. I lacked the energy to live my life the way I had planned, and as a result, it felt like everything around me was falling apart. I was feeling like someone had scooped up the puzzle I was working on, tossed it in the box, and shook it
When I think about it, I guess someone did. God used that difficult time in my life to shake me up and remind me that He held the key to the puzzle. If I would just surrender the pieces to Him, He could put them together to create a wonderful masterpiece. For so long, I had been trying to control how the pieces in my life went together, forcing some to fit where they didn’t, and failing to look for direction when I was stuck. And I was stuck. I was stuck between the joyous time of raising our little ones and the pit of despair. I knew where I wanted to be and where I didn’t, but I wasn’t able to move.
I had always dreamed of getting married and becoming a mom; I wanted two kids, a boy and a girl. I was living the dream plus a bonus when my husband, Steve, and I had three children. My oldest son, Tyler, came in 2000 and then the twins, Shane and Kaitlyn, came in 2003.
As you can imagine, I was a busy mama with three kids under the age of 3. I always felt tired, and I struggled with stomach pain. As much fun as the kids were, I was so worn down physically that it began to affect me emotionally. (The crazy long Minnesota winters were no help for my mood either!) I would retreat to my bed as often as I could to sleep away the exhaustion, physical pain, and looming depression.
This went on as the kids grew and was a constant wedge in my marriage. When I was sleeping, things weren’t getting done around that house, and Steve had to take care of the kids, which meant he couldn’t get things done outside either. As the frustration grew, walls built up between my husband and me. The joy in living the dream of being a wife and mom was hardly there, and I knew something had to change.
As I lay down to sleep, I would try to pray, but most of the time all I could get out was, “Help me!” I couldn’t find the words to explain myself and what I needed; I just knew I needed help. I’m so grateful that God is not just some “Big Guy in the sky”. His work is often done through the hands of His people right here on earth.
With the encouragement from friends and family, I sought out professional help. I was prescribed anti-depressants plus medication for my stomach pain. I also began to see a counselor at Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo, ND. There they helped me work through my emotions and continued to point me to the healing power that is only found in Jesus.
I was eventually able to wean off of the anti-depressants, but my physical health continued to be a challenge. I was diagnosed with Crohn’s Disease which explained all the stomach pain I had been having for years. As devastating as the diagnosis was, there was a bit of comfort in knowing it wasn’t “all in my head”.
There are times, especially in the midst of a tough winter, that depression seems to be just around the corner, but thankfully, the tools I learned help to keep it at bay. Most of all, I have learned to keep my eyes fixed on Jesus and surrender the pieces of my life to Him. I am so grateful for a God who works wonders in and through brokenness. The glorious part is that He never stops.
If you are struggling with depression, don’t struggle alone. Tell someone: a friend, a family member, your pastor…someone. There are people who want to pray with you and for you. Seek out help and counseling. There is no shame in that. If you live in the Fargo/Moorhead area, Valley Christian Counseling Center in Fargo is excellent.
Pickin’ Up the Pieces performed by the One Fine Day band
Written by Taunya Todd, Clark Holman and Renee Fuchs
Taunya
This was not my idea of a 40th birthday
Connecting Through Word | October 15, 2014
Jeremiah 29:11-12 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
I turned forty this year. Even as I typed that, I thought, “That’s old.” I’d been dreading turning forty for that very reason. They make awful black decorations and cards saying 40 is “over the hill”. I don’t feel “over the hill,” but when I look in the mirror, I do see signs that I’m aging. (Thankfully, it’s nothing hairstylist Elise and a bag of Mary Kay can’t fix.)
When you’re young, getting older means more privileges like driving or legally becoming an adult. I even loved thirty; there was something freeing about it. I no longer struggled with where I fit in. I was content with where I was and who God was making me into. But by the time I started approaching forty, my attitude about my age changed.
In the music business, youth is what sells. Even though I had long ago stopped chasing the dream of being a famous country singer, I still felt some sort of comfort knowing it was my choice. Being too “old” felt like it crushed the dream. Even if I chose not to chase the dream, I still wanted to know it was an option.
When the day of my 40th birthday finally came around, I was kind of dreading it. My husband was scheduled to leave that afternoon for training, so my ideas of the perfect 40th birthday had disappeared. It wasn’t that I expected a huge party, but I wanted something to set the day apart from all the others. We were able to squeeze in a yummy steak dinner, but it seemed the rest of my 40th would be like any other day.
Since my birthday fell on a Wednesday, that meant worship band practice that evening. My band friends gave me goofy birthday cards, and thankfully, none of them were about being “over the hill”. (I think I would have cried!) Towards the end of practice, it was getting late, and my birthday was coming to an end. As I sang one of my favorite worship songs, I closed my eyes, let go of the disappointment of being forty, and just worshipped…lost in the moment.
Then there was a commotion on the far side of the sanctuary. I opened my eyes to see several of my small group friends parading through the room and singing in celebration of my birthday. Overwhelmed by the precious gift of friendship, I lost it. Through the tears, I smiled, and I hugged each sweet friend. Then they ushered me into the Sunday school room where they had set up a make-shift party room with all kinds of festive girly birthday things in numbers of forty. (And none of them were “over the hill” themed: they know I would have cried!) It was so great to end the night by laughing with my friends and celebrating life.
My 40th birthday wasn’t at all the way I thought a perfect birthday would be, but it was still good. I had enjoyed a wonderful meal with my family. (That someone else cooked and cleaned up!) I got to do some of my favorite things: sing with the band, worship my Savior, and spend time with my friends. As I drove home that evening, thinking of all the sweet blessings that day had brought, I sensed that forty wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Life doesn’t always turn out the way I had planned. Instead of looking back and being disappointed, I want to look back and see all the sweet, unplanned moments and be grateful. God knew what He was doing on my birthday, and I’m so glad He opened my eyes to see all the wonderful gifts in front of me. Jeremiah 29:11-12 says,
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”
Now I look forward to the future and seeing what my forties have to hold. With age comes experience, and by living through forty years, I’ve had many experiences. Each one, good and bad, have shaped me into who I am today. They are the stories I share when I speak about the grace of God and the desperate need for a Savior. They are what I write songs about and sing to a crowd of people. They are why I lead, mentor and encourage women. They are the heart of why I have chosen to follow Jesus out of my comfort zone and the safety of church walls, onto the World Wide Web and into the great unknown. I don’t’ know what my future holds. I am still dreaming, but they are different and God-sized now, filled with His hope.
Oh, and I no longer dislike forty because I’m only as old as I feel, right?