Connecting Through Word | October 15, 2014

Jeremiah 29:11-12 “For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

 

I turned forty this year.  Even as I typed that, I thought, “That’s old.”  I’d been dreading turning forty for that very reason.  They make awful black decorations and cards saying 40 is “over the hill”.   I don’t feel “over the hill,” but when I look in the mirror, I do see signs that I’m aging.  (Thankfully, it’s nothing hairstylist Elise and a bag of Mary Kay can’t fix.)

When you’re young, getting older means more privileges like driving or legally becoming an adult.  I even loved thirty; there was something freeing about it.  I no longer struggled with where I fit in.  I was content with where I was and who God was making me into.  But by the time I started approaching forty, my attitude about my age changed.

In the music business, youth is what sells.  Even though I had long ago stopped chasing the dream of being a famous country singer, I still felt some sort of comfort knowing it was my choice. Being too “old” felt like it crushed the dream. Even if I chose not to chase the dream, I still wanted to know it was an option.

When the day of my 40th birthday finally came around, I was kind of dreading it.  My husband was scheduled to leave that afternoon for training, so my ideas of the perfect 40^th birthday had disappeared.  It wasn’t that I expected a huge party, but I wanted something to set the day apart from all the others.  We were able to squeeze in a yummy steak dinner, but it seemed the rest of my 40^th would be like any other day.

Since my birthday fell on a Wednesday, that meant worship band practice that evening.  My band friends gave me goofy birthday cards, and thankfully, none of them were about being “over the hill”.  (I think I would have cried!)  Towards the end of practice, it was getting late, and my birthday was coming to an end.  As I sang one of my favorite worship songs, I closed my eyes, let go of the disappointment of being forty, and just worshipped…lost in the moment.

Then there was a commotion on the far side of the sanctuary.  I opened my eyes to see several of my small group friends parading through the room and singing in celebration of my birthday.  Overwhelmed by the precious gift of friendship, I lost it.  Through the tears, I smiled, and I hugged each sweet friend.  Then they ushered me into the Sunday school room where they had set up a make-shift party room with all kinds of festive girly birthday things in numbers of forty. (And none of them were “over the hill” themed: they know I would have cried!)  It was so great to end the night by laughing with my friends and celebrating life.

My 40^th birthday wasn’t at all the way I thought a perfect birthday would be, but it was still good.  I had enjoyed a wonderful meal with my family.  (That someone else cooked and cleaned up!)   I got to do some of my favorite things: sing with the band, worship my Savior, and spend time with my friends. As I drove home that evening, thinking of all the sweet blessings that day had brought, I sensed that forty wasn’t going to be so bad after all. Life doesn’t always turn out the way I had planned. Instead of looking back and being disappointed, I want to look back and see all the sweet, unplanned moments and be grateful.  God knew what He was doing on my birthday, and I’m so glad He opened my eyes to see all the wonderful gifts in front of me.  Jeremiah 29:11-12 says,

“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.”

Now I look forward to the future and seeing what my forties have to hold. With age comes experience, and by living through forty years, I’ve had many experiences. Each one, good and bad, have shaped me into who I am today. They are the stories I share when I speak about the grace of God and the desperate need for a Savior. They are what I write songs about and sing to a crowd of people. They are why I lead, mentor and encourage women. They are the heart of why I have chosen to follow Jesus out of my comfort zone and the safety of church walls, onto the World Wide Web and into the great unknown.  I don’t’ know what my future holds. I am still dreaming, but they are different and God-sized now, filled with His hope.

Oh, and I no longer dislike forty because I’m only as old as I feel, right?

Taunya